Matin’s Philosophy of Retirement Gaming
This Briefing is Classified as: Burn Before Reading.
Warning: This briefing is too long, rambling, and pointless. Do NOT read.
Safety Warning: This Briefing is really long. You will regret the loss of the 5 minutes of your life you spend reading this post.
I am not that bright. Realistically, my Father had a genius level IQ, was a Grand Master in Chess, and loved Astronomy. As with most people that bright, he lacked common sense. I love him and I still miss him now that he has passed. I will miss you forever, Father. I have much more common sense than he every had, but that makes me a menace in other ways. For safety reasons, I’ve decided to be a bit more open than usual with everyone in OTG’s New World Chapter.
I have a wife. I still have the first one. She hates Gamers. All of them (and especially the one that lives in her house.) She hates all of you. Not really. She is a really nice person. She is a GREAT cookie baker. If you asked, she would bake some for you. Her peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies are to die for. Her super power is ability to make a character assessment of you in less than 15 seconds. She is never wrong. If that would be a problem, I would suggest never meeting her in person. She keeps me safe from unscrupulous people.
I am on one. I have Fat Cow Disease. I am on a fad diet craze. Come closer. Let me whisper. (Eat Less. Move More.) Luckily, I don’t have to be on the Heart Surgeon Diet (if it tastes good, spit it out.) Dieting makes me bitter. Very bitter.
My Mum’s side of the family were cops. I once went to visit my Uncle John (he was a Chief Inspector at the time) at New Scotland Yard. Grandfather was a Bobby Sergeant in rural England. I’ve spent the last decade of my government career working at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center (FLETC). I know a lot of law enforcement officers. 10s of Thousands. NEVER ask me about law enforcement. Ever. Period. End of sentence and paragraph. If you need to become a cop, you can bug me for advice.
At 9 years old, I read the American Heritage book about the Guadalcanal campaign. At 12, I started playing war games. By 15, I was commanding every army that ever-opposed Napoleon Bonaparte, Jeff Davis, or Adolf Hitler. I have the white box D&D rules. I won the US Civil War in three years with a lot less casualties. I blame Abraham Lincoln. As a general rule, I believe if I’m in front of a Nazi in America, and I have a brick, I should be allowed to throw the brick at him. Really. Just like the Blues Brothers, I hate American Nazis.
Was that Matin’s coronation at Nappy’s Tomb in Paris? Yes. The French have decided to crown me as the new Emperor of France. If you believe that, I have some bottom land to sell you in Florida. Some people might not get that joke. Bottom land in Florida is swamp. Really. If you don’t believe me, I think I can sell you a couple of shares in the Brooklyn Bridge. Did I mention that my Father’s family were definitely all criminals? Except for my Mum and Grand Mum. They married into a criminal enterprise.
I served in the US Army from April 1986 to November 1987 when I received a Chapter 3 Medical Discharge and disability severance pay. I receive the thanks of the American people every month. Thank you for your support. Yes, I’m a Red-Headed Step Child Disabled Veteran (ie. peacetime). Since I’m a peace-time disabled Veteran, my pain hurts 50% less than a Wartime Veteran and most states give us crap Veteran’s benefits. I limp because everything south of my belly button was destroyed. I have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD) that happens to be fully activated at the moment. Don’t Ask. I Won’t Tell. If I ask you to hold my beer, duck and cover. You will all live a lot longer if you don’t stand next to me. I will be heading to Washington, DC to go argue in person at the US Veterans Appeals Court. When? Couldn’t tell you.
I worked as a DAC (Department of Army Civilian) for 12 years. I’ve written training and combat doctrine for the US Army. I can’t talk about it. Ever.
When it comes to WAR, I’m an expert. Trust me about that.
Don’t ask and I won’t tell. Seriously. I am a Liberal, for Labor, as opposed to violence as Gandhi, Pro-Abortion, Anti-Death Penalty, for Reparations for African Americans, against unrestrained Capitalism, for LGBTQLMNOP, Pro-Gun Control, against Oil Drilling, for Environmental Activism (minus the metal spikes in trees), for Law Enforcement (at least the nice ones), against criminals (except nice ones), and so on and so forth. Really. Don’t Ask. I Won’t Tell.
I am comfortable. I’m 60 and I’ve retired. I have a pension and a good amount of retirement money. I will never work again in my life. Not having to work is very good for me because I’m terminally lazy. I make money all the time, however, I’m very lazy about how I make money. If my projections are correct, I will die a multi-millionaire. The retirement crisis in America does not apply to me. Yes. I am much better at making money than Donald Trump. That really isn’t much of an achievement.
I make money by doing things everyone on Wall Street hates. Really hates. A minor goal is my life is to make sure financial experts and insurance men make as little money as possible off of me. Dad worked at Lloyd’s of London. There is a correlation between my Father working at Lloyd’s and the fact that he was from a criminal family. Dad and the Insurance Industry was a match made in Hell. There is probably a good Financial Expert or a nice Insurance Man. I haven’t met one. Ever. America recently lost Saint Jack. You should have listened to him. He was mostly correct.
By the way, if you work in the Finance or Insurance Industries, we can still be friends.
Next Time: Matin’s Philosophy of Retirement Gaming
I’m too tired to write that post now. This was only the introduction to my master work on Retirement Gaming. Stay tuned.