My best friend’s brother took his own life yesterday.
This makes 3 people in my life who had so much despair that this was there only option.
All the things that run through my head, like saying I was busy or too tired to help when they needed it. Being so angry that they never said anything. Angry for not knowing why they did it. Feeling overwhelmed with sadness that you’ll never see them smile or hear them laugh again.
We used to argue about politics, and at the same time be the greatest of friends because we knew none of that mattered when it came to being a good human. He had so much love to give and wasn’t told that. He deserved a long and happy life and not telling him that more often makes me feel partly responsible.
You never know what someone is going through in their mind. Being respectful and kind can make the difference in someone realizing that their life matters regardless of how limited our time is on this planet. Telling the people in your life that they matter. Everybody deserves to be happy. If someone asks for money, what’s that change in your pocket really worth to you? If someone asks to spend time with you, do it, because you never know if you’ll see them again. Don’t ignore that phone call from your mother even if she’s annoying you.
I’m sick and tired of people ending their life because they think it’s the only option they have left. We can do better, and from now on I will do better.
Your life matters. If you’re reading this and thinking that taking your life is an option, it’s not. Yeah, the noise in your head may feel overwhelming most of the time and that deep, dark, impending doom seems like it’s constantly creeping around the corner, but suicide is not the answer. You have so much to give to the people around you. If you feel like you’re alone and nobody listens, I feel that. I’ve been there more times than I can count, so you’re not alone. Please don’t do it. You leave behind so much and picking up the pieces time after time gets to be too heavy. Let us take some of that load off your shoulders. I am always willing to sit and listen if you need an ear or a shoulder.
I love you all. (even if I’ve never met you) That comes straight from my heart.
I know from first hand experience you should not blame yourself. No matter what you feel or think, you are in no way responsible for their actions. I went through this when my eldest son took his life back in the early 90’s when I was in college.
I went into counseling for some time because I blamed myself and the guilt feelings I had would have destroyed me had I not had someone to talk with regarding this. It took some years before I came to full acceptance that there was nothing I could have done even if I tried, even if I knew.
There are some things we experience in life that we feel deeply about. What I finally did was to step out of my own comfort zone and start speaking about my experiences regarding the time leading up to, as well after his actions. What I discovered was mind blowing. I was not alone and never have been, I just did not know it.
So I started advocating at the college I was going to at the time of his passing. I found other parents, friends, siblings and acquaintances who also had experienced this type of event in their lives. In this I found that my speaking of it helped others. Its immediate effect seemed to bring a lot of attention to this topic and I can’t tell you how many students would quietly ask to speak with me or invite me to have coffee with them. Many express concern for a boyfriend, girlfriend or a friend because they were alarmed at what they were witnessing. All I could tell them was to suggest carefully for their friends to seek help.
I heard back from at least one other student that my advice helped their friend to seek help and in the process prevented a life altering experience from occurring which was irreversible. We can but try if we know, but we cannot force anyone to seek the help they need, only hope they take our advice.
I feel for you. It’s scary because I have a very close friend who manages to drop every lifeline that anyone has ever thrown to him, and I’m truly afraid that he will eventually take his own life. I’ve struggled with chronic depression myself, but I’m getting the help and meds that I need. However, getting help in the US of A is expensive and time consuming, and a lot of people can usually only get either meds or therapy but not both…so sad. Sorry for your loss.
